Thoughts of the Moment

So, a good portion of our Bible Study is ready to "multiply", and I'm not sure how I feel about it. On one hand, it is good to provide opportunities to easily pull more people in. On the other hand, I'm afraid that we may be missing the point of what is needed to form a successful cell group, and what the purpose of cell groups should be. Maybe it depends on the group - maybe there's not one answer. But right now, I'm feeling like we are all so focused on making new friends that we are losing sight of keeping the old.

Or maybe it's just a select handful of us that feel things so deeply that any recession in a friendship hurts more than others can imagine. I have spent a good many hours comtemplating why I regularly react this way. Over the summer, I have drifted slightly from my "old" friends simply due to a lack of time spent together. I don't think this means that my "love language" is quality time. In fact, I'm kind of frustrated with the whole "love language" model. I think that a need for a certain "love language" is born out of social/parental conditioning more than anything else, but that nature vs. nurture argument can be saved for another day...

Back to where I was heading - God wants us to be in relationships. Why? I think it's because relationships show a part of the character of God. He wants to be in a relationship with us, and he wants us to be in relationships with Him and each other. I also believe that cell groups tend to be formalizations of what we assume God intends for us to have in relationships. The formalization of it all is just starting to bug me. I want to have relationships with fellow believers where we can be responsive to where the Holy Spirit is guiding us and leading us to act in each others lives. I don't want to be restricted to this night or that night, or this region or that region, or "new" people or "old" people. (Or 2, 5, 10, or more people at a time...) I want my focus to be on following where the Holy Spirit leads to provide for anyone that I feel called to reach out to. And I want to be the kind of person that doesn't let her own priorities fall out of line with God's. I'm falling into the trap of formalization, and I don't like it.

Not to say that I don't respect what others think or feel about the subject. I'm know that I'm probably in the minority on this one, and I will probably upset someone with what I've written. Speaking out tends to upset at least one other person. But again, I do feel that we may be missing the point.

More than once, I have been a participant in letting go of friendships out of convenience - i.e. people stop coming to regular meetings, so I don't bother to reach out to them anymore. It's laziness on my part. I get wrapped up in my own little life and fail to see the bigger picture of how God could've used me had I been listening. I fear that without my comfort blanket of stable, regular meetings, history will repeat itself. I'm tired of losing contact. I'm tired of feeling deserted and then becoming the deserter. I want to hang on to the real friendships I have already. I have no problem meeting new people. In fact, I like meeting new people and getting to know them. This happens to be a key piece of the personality that God gave me. But I don't want to feel constantly at risk of losing ties that I have with fellow Christians simply because we want to clear the way for more people. It shouldn't be like that. With God to guide us, we shouldn't have to lose touch with friends. I just feel like we are all missing something big if that is what we continue to do.

I know I haven't really expressed this well, but it is a glimpse into how I am processing this right now. Hopefully most of you will not take offense to what I have said, rather think about it and take from it whatever bits and pieces stand out to you as being truthful. And please, no lectures on how we can't be close friends with everyone - I am not that naive. I'm just a deeply emotional person who does not like to lose contact with those I have already grown close to. Just a little something to keep in mind if you don't yet know me that well...